"Welcome to the real world"

Guess whose 10 year high school reunion is coming up? Everyday I think about, I get more and more convinced that I shouldn't go. Not all of us ended up like John Mayer, alright? (Note: He actually did go to his reunion like he said he would)

As for me, I've got no career, no husband, no car, no kids. Nothing much that I need to report. I've still got 18 days to decide if I'm going, but as for now, I'm leaning towards NO. Someone else want to fill this google survey they sent out to us for me? Any and all suggestions appreciated. Exaggeration encouraged.

Name


Where are you currently living?


If you went to college after graduating, where did you go? If you finished, what was your degree in? If you did graduate school, where did you go, what did you study, when did you graduate (or will you graduate) and why did you do that to yourself?


What is your martial status?


•  Married/In a Partnership
•  Not Married
•  Currently on the Bachelor(ette).


Do you have any children? List their names and ages (and genders if you're into that sort of thing).
List on those that you know of... skip those from that shady weekend in Malibu.


If you are working, where are you currently working?
And feel free to share any cool jobs you've had since walking down the aisle at graduation.


Share something cool you've done that you want to brag about to people you've not seen in 10 years.
Go on, you know you want to.

This is all so exhausting.

Anyone wanna stay home and watch Romy and Michelle with me? I'll only force you to reenact this dance scene a couple times.

Music for your Midweek: Mason Jennings

On Saturday, Mason Jennings stopped by BYU(?!) and put on a little show. His was the second concert I went to after I got back from my mission, so it made me a little nostalgic.

Oh man. This one gets me every time.
"I don't want no victory, I just want you back" 

So sassy.

This is a video I found from his performance at BYU! It's a new song, and I quite like it.

A Poem for Thursday: "Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven" - William Butler Yeats

Aedh Wishes for the Clothes of Heaven
William Butler Yeats

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

This recording is from when I was part of BYU's Women's Chorus

Graduation - "Grow Till Tall"

Commencement was yesterday. I walked through the woods (literally and figuratively) to get there.

"You'll know, when it's time to go on
You'll really want to grow and grow till tall
They all, in the end, will fall"

I still want to grow.

April Mix: Gradual Elation

Guess what.

In less than two weeks, I will have walked across the stage at the Marriott Center, an OFFICIAL BYU GRADUATE. wooooooohooooooo

So here's some music to celebrate graduation. Sorry,you won't find any Vitamin C or Green Day in this mix.


1. Spottie - Hypnotic Brass Ensemble
2. My Home - Nneka
3. Video Games (Lana del Rey Cover) - The Young Professionals
4. Primadonna - Marina & The Diamonds
5. Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood
6. People In Her Mind - Poor Moon
7. The Tale Of You & Me - Wild Child
8. Lakehouse - Of Monsters and Men
9. Down, Down, Down - Peter Wolf Crier
10. Beth/Rest (Solo Piano Version) - Bon Iver
11. Kids (MGMT cover) - Lady Danville
12. Clementine - Sarah Jaffe
13. Flor Es Ser - Superaquello
14. Shake It Out (Acoustic) - Florence + The Machine
15. April Showers - ProleteR

NOTES:

3. Don't hate.

11. This song reminds me of when I got home from my mission. Did you know I left for my mission almost exactly 4 years ago? Weird.

12. Interesting translation fact: the verb "florecer" means "to bloom" or "to flourish". The nonsense phrase "flor es ser" seems to mean "flower is to be", and not "is to be" like it will happen, but that flower is the essence of being. cool.

15. If someone could arrange for this song to play while I strut across the stage on the 19th, that would be just dandy.

Missing school.

You are missing school when you visit this website for fun, and have an e-mail subscription for Spanish grammar from this website.

It's getting bad guys. My ability to speak and translate Spanish is wavering.

To make up for this, I've been listening to a lot of Spanish music at work. I've made an *!Espanol! mix on Spotify. Clink on the link to listen to i!

*Despite majoring in Spanish, I still have a hard time remembering how to do upside down exclamation point and stuff

I've also tried reading more so my brain doesn't turn to mush.

In the past couple months, I've read:

The Princess Bride - William Goldman

World War Z - Max Brooks

Cat's Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut

An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England - Brock Clarke

The Children of Men - P.D. James

I know. These aren't exactly the most intellectual of choices. But I'm not quite ready to jump into textbooks again. I guess I should be studying so I can eventually take the Foreign Service Exam, but I'm dragging my feet.

I'm kind of tired of tired of grown-up novels. They're generally cynical, even when they try to be hopeful. All of these books (with the exception of The Princess Bride), left me feeling sort of glum. But I'm on the lookout for some new reads. Any suggestions?

It's only been a couple months, but I'm already excited to eventually return to school when I finish my VISTA year. We'll see how that goes...

This is it. Is this it?

I DID IT!

I have officially graduated from college! I should be getting my diploma in the mail anytime now, and in four months, you're going to see me in one of those fancy schmancy robes! 

Stylin'

Guess it's time to conquer the world.

Set the World on Fire

I attended my last college class today.
.
.
.
.
.
My heart feels a little panic-attacky. Anxious.
A girl at work asked me tonight what I was studying.
"Well," I said. "Since I just had my last day of class, I guess I'm supposed to say that I studied Spanish." I have to change that part of my introductory monologue to past tense.
It made me feel very sad.
I think that that's a pat of taking classes based in the humanities or social sciences. Most of my friends don't wax poetic about their favorite organic chemistry courses, or miss their days in Econ 101. But I'm going to miss my classes. The way my perspectives have changed. The little communities we formed. The conversations we had. I think I will need a time of mourning.
Yes. I will continue learning and stretching my limits. But it won't be the same.
My college days are over.

Everything is lined up for my future...
so then why do I feel so unnerved?

Thank goodness for music.
It can solve most things.
Glee was weird this week, but I'm glad that it introduced me to this gem.



It is worth the jump to the YouTube website.
You can bet that this will be on our New Years mix.

What are you doing this Thanksgiving?

I'm going to be watching a lot of Gossip Girl on Netflix.

"I'm Chuck Bass. And I'm wishing you a scandalous Thanksgiving."

Yeah.

It's a problem.

But I'm also going to do some more worthwhile things.

. Write a paper on Borges

. Read  a few capitulos of Don Quijote

. Start moving out of my apartment

. Try out this Yam Frosting recipe from the Carolina Chocolate Drops

. Eat some food

. Learn how to play "The Suburbs" by Arcade Fire on the piano

. Sync my iPod

. NOT go shopping on Black Friday

. Go on my Avenues run

. Rock and roll all night and party everyday

. Get rid of all my belongings. Seriously. I need to de-clutter bigtime. Virtual garage sale? Maybe.

. Go to a birthday party

. Watch the Jonsi Go Live dvd
. Drink some mate

. Start cutting up old sweatshirts to make a quilt

. Play some kickball

. Put up Christmas decorations

. Visit the Timpanogas temple for the first time

. FINALLY go to the dollar theater to see Planet of the Apes*

. Oh yeah. And see family and eat food and stuff.

Man. I'm going to be busy! Maybe I won't have time for Gossip Girl anyway.

*You probably thought I was going to go see "The Help," didn't you. I do want to see that too. I'll get to it eventually. Do you want to know my opinion about that book? Ironically, there is a character in the story called "Gretchen". She has a short conversation with Skeeter; she has only one page in the whole novel. Anyway, we share the same name, and the same point of view. Check it out.

Masters Thesis

Soon, I will graduate.

But one day, I will go to grad school.

Since I never procrastinate, and I know that I will eventually have to write a masters thesis, I've decided to start looking for topics now. Found it: 

Don't let the stoner quality of this footage deceive you; I'm confident that it's actually subtle, psychological commentary on America's financial woes and their impact on society. The coins serve as an analogy for the capitalist building blocks of our society. We treat other cultures and commodities (the foreign coins) as naught, considering them as trinkets in comparison to our great construction. As viewers, we wait with both dread and anticipation; hoping to see the tower collapse in on itself. These freudian desires are a result of our upbringings as commodified,  semi-democratic agents. 

Am I right? 

There's my thesis!

Man, I got this academia thing down. 

Good thing I switched out of anthropology. It would have turned me into a monster.
A very successful, wealthy monster.

News News News

This is BIG news. You know how I kind of freaked out because I didn't know what I was going to do when I graduated and I was super worried cause I felt like I didn't have any skills and I didn't have a resume and I decided to part my hair on the other side of my head?

I just wanted to tell you...

Problem solved!

I have my whole life figured out (at least the next year of it).

I'm going to be volunteering with AmeriCorps and United Way in their Volunteer Empowerment program! It sounds really great. I feel like I will be doing good. AND I will get to use Spanish. 

Perfect, right?

Well. It was kind of a hard decision, actually.

You see, this means I will be living in Provo for another year.

I know, I know.

I had the same reaction.

I actually almost didn't accept the position. Provo has been bearable as a BYU undergrad, but I never entertained the idea of sticking around post-graduation. I didn't think I could handle it. I didn't WANT to handle it. At every turning point, I've always chosen to LEAVE. But at the beginning of this school year, I had an inkling that the next chapter in my life would have me "staying". 

Staying makes me nervous, but I think I will be ok.

Also. Have you heard about this?

Fourteen-year-old me is seriously freaking out right now.

We have to take a trip to New York this spring. Savvy?

"Got vibes and charisma"

I just go through a horrid 2 weeks of back-to-back tests and essays. In fact, just this morning I turned in a 8-page essay that I researched and wrote in 6 1/2 hours. New Record! I'm still really busy, and I have a lot of work to do before the semester is done... but that's only 1 month away. A mere 17 school days. I AM ALMOST FINISHED WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER.

This calls for a celebration.

I scoured hype machine for the perfect tune.

And I found it.

Do I dare say it? This is love.

"That...might...just...happen..."

I want to listen to this everyday.

It will be part of my morning routine.

Let's ring in the new year, 2012, to the beat of this song.

WE WILL GET DOWN WITH THE TRUMPETS.

Winners

Today I am a winner.

Today I read 40 pages of don Quijote in an hour and a half. This usually takes much much longer.

I am happy of myself!
And I understood everything too!

This Adventure Drums guy is also a winner. My brother Jeremy showed me his videos, and now I am addicted. I fully respect drummers. I think drums are one of the coolest instruments; you can't pretend to be good at them, people will see right through you. They can tell if you are weak.

I mostly know this because I used to play a lot of Rock Band.

xkcd

Watch him play. It is fun:



You know who else is a winner? Kyle Beckerman. What a dreamboat. I finally went to a RSL game after such a long time.

Winners all around! What a good day.

change your hair, change your life

UH. So this was supposed to post like, a week ago. I don't know what happened. So consider this an easier versions time-traveling. This blog will serve as the DeLorean.

...

I had been feeling pretty good. My classes, though difficult, will be manageable if I stick to a strict schedule. If I work as much as possible, I won't be in too much debt. And other kids in my classes average 5 hours of sleep a night, right? There is a guy in my class who tutors 20 hours a week, is taking 27 credit hours, is in a movie, and still has a great GPA. If he can do it, I can too, right?

But then I had a mini-crisis.

So I survive all of that. I graduate, and move into the real world.
Then what?
Yesterday was the BYU career fair. You know, the one that I guess I was supposed to be preparing for these past few weeks. Competing with all those other students, trying to stand out, talking to strangers...it gave me anxiety thinking about it.
I finally mustered up the courage to just go in and take a look around. I wouldn't have to talk to anybody.

But even that was too much.

Let's get this straight.

I've never taken a class in the Tanner Building.
I haven't had any internships.
I'm not published.
I've never done research in my field(s).
I've never been awarded any grants or scholarships.

I don't own a suit.

I don't even have an up-to-date resume. Attempting to list my skills and accomplishments is embarrassing. What would my future employers think if they saw the truth? Work experience? I assume working as a nanny/ baker/custodian/grounds crew/waitress/shop girl/census enumerator is not what they would have in mind. Skills? Uh. I speak spanish. That's about all I'm qualified to do with my major. No teaching, no translating.

I felt very out of place.
Very far behind.

I left the wilkinson center in near hyper-ventilation mode. I needed to schedule an appointment with a counselor. I needed to redo my resume. I needed to take an extra certification test so my spanish is considered more "professional". My whole course of direction had to change.

I couldn't just think about making it work till graduation, I needed to think about making it in the real world.

By the time I got to my apartment, I was a nervous wreck.

I immediately started checking classes and schedules and certifications and workshops and resume builders and job postings and internships and grants and GRE test prep courses and and and and...

and then I saw something about "Dressing for success".
and then there was a link about changing your hairstyle.
and then I thought, "Hm. Maybe I should part my hair on the other side of my head?"
and then I went to the mirror and changed my hair.

and then I felt a bit better.




How did I find this video? It is golden.

Anyway. I feel better now.

Our home teacher came over to visit with us. We talked about things we have learned by listening to the prophets, going to General Conference, etc. A lot of the talks I've heard lately have been about being charitable (to others AND yourself), and being patient. We need to be anxiously engaged, but also, not run ourselves ragged. President Uchtdorf's talk at the General Relief Society broadcast definitely struck a chord. Our home teacher told us how he has to do all of this code writing and computer stuff, for hours at a time. It can be tedious and stressful. Sometimes, we just want to be done and know what's next. But then he was walking around campus, and realized that he is in a great place, BYU. He fought so hard to get here; he had to take time to enjoy the small things.

I know I have to do all these things eventually, but it's ok to just change little by little.

P.S.
I think I'm going to try parting my hair on the opposite side from now on. Even if it does feel REALLY weird.

"...the power of action..."

One of my favorite classes is on El Quixote. Did you know that is is often regarded as the best work of fiction...ever? We've just barely started reading it. 13 pages a day. It may not seem like much, but in spanish, it is a struggle. But I am beginning to see all the wonder about this "man of la Mancha". He is a man of action and character.

"One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world was better for this."

Cougs.

The game. Oh, the game.

I haven't been to see a game in Lavell Edwards Stadium since freshmen year. I guess it should have stayed that way. But being an usher was alright. I got to go onto the field to "keep an eye on things" while they set off the fireworks.
It was surreal. Standing on that field knowing that you are in the line of sight for over 60,000 people. For the rest of the game, I was stationed by portal C (I thinks that's where I'll be the rest of the season as well). I ran into all sorts of people I hadn't seen in a while, so that was neat.
I'm not much of an enforcer, but for this job, I have to be. Most people are pretty cool about it though.

Except for the old men.

I don't know what it is, but it seems like they are DRAWN to me. I finished showing one man how to get to his seat, and he smiled, thanked me, then reached over and patted my bum.
WHAT?!
ew.

I was thoroughly grossed out.

ATTENTION MEN: this is never cool.

Then I thought of this clip from Freaks and Geeks and I laughed and felt a bit better.



I'll be there again this Friday. Let's hope there won't be any handsy-man-cougars this time around.

What goes on in your heart

I'm in the Spanish mindset. I was reading a headline from the  New York Times ("Republicans Suggest White House Rushed Solar Loan"), and was thoroughly confused. “...solar?” I thought. “What in the world is that? Is it a corporation? But it’s not capitalized in the article.... I’ve never heard that word before!” Then I realized that in my mind I had been pronouncing it “sol-are” instead of “sol-er”. yeah yeah. Spanish.

And then I was talking to someone what and asked, "What impulsed you to make that decision?"And they looked at me kind of like, "what?" I mean, I guess you can say that in English, but it comes across awkwardly. (Fact: the word "awkward" doesn't really exist in Spanish. Which I guess means they are never awkward. Just like the word "chubby" doesn't exist in Norwegian. Interesting, right?).

All day, everyday, it's spanish spanish spanish. I've become such a language word. I love my grammar class. Can you believe that? Anyone who has spoken spanish with me would assume that grammar is my least favorite topic, but I'm starting to become fascinated by it. There are treasures and hidden meanings in everything. I'm unraveling the secrets of culture and accent. I feel like learning spanish makes me a new person.

But now to what impulsed me to write today. I'm starting to find my heart. I feel secure that I am on the right path. A path that will let me do my part in a bigger whole. Sometimes I forget what I've done. I got this e-mai from Arjun a couple days ago. I'll share it with you:

Dear Gretchen
Namaste!
How are you? i hope you are fine there. Well, we are all fine and working hard for the children.
Today i really much happier as i found your e-mail address. Gratchen, where r you now? i hopw you are working in the Church as a holy girl! We are soon celebrating our Dasain festival during tthat time we have holiday and we all enjoy a lot! Gratechen you are always wel come to visit our home. We never forget you and your kind cooperation and support. could you please tell me more news from there. i wish you all the best. May the Lord Buddha be always with you.
Yours
Arjun paudel

This is me, Arjun, and his wife with some of the children from the orphanage.
I had to do a screenshot to get this photo, so it's not the best quality.
You can see more of  my pictures from Nepal on Facebook.

Everytime I look at my pictures from that time, my heart breaks a little. I have ties to these people. It's the same when I look at pictures from my mission. It aches.

Speaking spanish has helped me maintain that connection. 

I can't wait till I get to visit my friends in Bolivia and Peru. I'll be heading back to South America in April. URUGUAY. If all goes as planned, I may stay awhile, and hopefully get a chance to visit my old mission stomping grounds.

Oh yeah. "The Game" is today. I guess that's a big deal.

I just noticed that the U symbol is pretty trendy. You know, with feathers and everything.

We'll see if it affects their game.

Happy Accident

Maybe they weren't accidents. Blessings more like it. With less than a week before school starting up, I accomplished the following:

- Drove from Virginny to Utah

- Unpacked and organized all my things

- Found an inexpensive condo with a Fall/Winter contract a block away from campus

- Interviewed for a job

- Went to doctor's appointments

- Had my car fixed up (a long and nerve-wracking ordeal)

- Got my hair did

- Checked out great music from the library (Here We Go Magic, Japandroids, Yact, and Patrick Park, to name a few)

- Reunited with all those that I've missed over the summer while I've been back east.

- Repacked and organized all my things

- Drove to Provo

Most of my fears were put to rest. I couldn't believe that things could be better, but then...

- I went to my classes, and just got so excited listening to my enthusiastic professors and seeing all the cool things we are going to read (El Quixote! Borges! Isabel Allende! woohoo!).

- Got permission to add 2 more credits (semester now totaling 20 credit hours) so that I don't have to do an independent study and I will be fully done in December.

- Actually moved into my more than adequate apartment (we have a fireplace AND a balcony? yes.).

- Met my room mates who are perfect (so far :). One competes in triathlons, went on her mission to Norway, AND is an English grad student! She was pleased when she saw my Nancy Drew cookbook. The other is on the track team, super friendly and outgoing, AND she is half cuban half mexican so she can help me with spanish!

- Found out that I have a job!

- Wrangled a spot in the History of Christianity class that is ALWAYS full.

- Found out I have another job!

- Reunited with people I haven't seen in a long time.

- Met up with T and Allison. I've missed those girls.

- Got the new schedule for International Cinema. Boys and girls, it is going to be awesome. 

There were tons of mini miracles too. It reminded me of when I was on my mission.

But I know these blessings come with a responsibility. I'm going to have to be extra studious to handle my heavy course load. I'm sure there will come a time in a couple months where I wallow in self-pity due to lack of sleep and too many late-night Spanish cram sessions. I shouldn't even be typing this right now, I have NO time. But for now, I will be happy that it is all working out.

Don't you love it when things unexpectedly fall into place?

P.S. You should check out the rest of Matt Stuart's photos. 

They are so witty.

Lent Lament: Life Outside of the Social Network

Forty days is oh so long.

I think I should have considered my options for Lent more carefully. There are many things that I should give up, but the purpose of Lent isn't necessarily giving up stuff that is bad for you. The most common thing to abstain from is meat, partly with the intention of enjoying days of feasting afterward. So like many have done before me, I gave up Facebook.

It is unsettling much of my daily rhythms and rituals are centered on this website. While my scholastic productivity has sky-rocketed, my awareness of viral you tube videos is abysmally low.

Just one more month, and I'll be back on the grid.

In related news, Mark Zuckerberg is speaking at the Marriot Center tomorrow. I wanted to come in costume, but I don't have a GAP sweatshirt (because duh, we don't live in 1995), and I think it will be too cold for flip flops.

I will be there regardless.

Will you be going?

Dance Yourself Clean

My time at Brigham Young University is swiftly coming to a close. One semester after this, I will be a free women. I entered to learn, and soon,  I will "go forth to serve "(or "earn" as Ingrid's father has often told me). Even though I have been part of BYU in some form or another for the past 5 years of my life, I am saddened to report that I am not a true "Cougar".

I've never been tunnel singing.
I don't have an all-sports pass.
I haven't even hiked the Y.

None of these girls are me... bless their hearts.

It would be a shame to let me time here in the bubble just pass me by without experiencing some of the eccentricities that personify the BYU.
So.

I enrolled in Dance 180: Beginning Social Dance

adorable

Essentially, this class is a compilation of things that are difficult for me to deal with. You have to be in close proximity with unfamiliar man-boys. You have to be courteous and gracious and polite. Worst of all, you must engage in the art of small talk. gross. I knew I was in for a fun time when the first guy I danced with asked me what color my toothbrush was. Really. And he wasn't being funny.

But most of all, social dance requires certain amount of bravery. You have to own up to the fact that you are going to look silly, at least at first. Everyone needs to practice being confident once and a while, especially me.

This class has required a lot more dedication and is more difficult than I had anticipated. Luckily, one of my room mates is minoring in dance, so I've been able to practice with him a bit. Very kind of him, I am a difficult partner (his toes get stepped on quite a bit). So far I've learned the foxtrot, cha-cha, and the waltz is a work in progress.

Thursday, I was formally introduced to "Dance Lab". I think all students taking a dance class have to go. I didn't know what to expect, there were so many people! Actually dancing was kind of hard. Everyone ran into each other cause it was so crowded. Then they had floor shows where more advanced dance classes would perform actual routines that they learned. My dance teacher did a polka to "Supercalafragilisticexpedalidocious". So charming.

Actually, if you know how to dance well, it can look pretty cool. I was officially won over by the social dance scene when they did the Viennese waltz to the Harry Potter theme song.

It was as awesome as it sounds.

So thanks BYU. Thank you for offering your students a venue where awkward gals and guys can turn into coordinated young men and women.