"I'm going to be here"

I read the Modern Love column from the New York Times every week. It is usually beautiful. This week's was especially fitting for the end of one year and the beginning of another. Click here to read it. Here's a teaser:

““I used to be angry,” Mike told me. “I’d pick fights over nothing. I was mad to be in prison and I wanted everyone else to be mad, too. But then I realized: Man, this is my life. Do I want to be that guy? Always mad? I’m not going to get married or have a family. Not today. Maybe never. I’m going to be here. I’m a prisoner. There are some things I’m never going to do. And I can spend my life being mad about that, or I can try something else...I decided to be the best prisoner I could be.” 

"I'm glad you're feeling good, because we're feeling awesome"

You may have noticed, I'm essentially using this blog as a clearinghouse for all the crazy videos I used to have bookmarked. I hope you appreciate it. Here's a gem for you. She is a little crazy, but this video makes me love Celine Dion:

Guys she's in Vegas LET'S GO. I know at least 3 of you who read my blog are going to get married soon. Could you imagine a bachelorette party to see Celine Dion? I WILL GO EVEN THOUGH I HATE THE VEGAS. Do it.

Happy Birthday Dad

Today my dad would have turned 55. My family and I are celebrating by going to Brick Oven for pizza (my mom worked there the whole time she and my dad were dating) and visiting the Sacred Gifts exhibit at BYU. I wish he could be here with us. Here is a great performance from the Berklee College of music:

Dad would joke that this was his song ("Oh Mike Devine" vs "Oh Night Devine"). Soooo funny. I miss his dumb jokes too.

Music for your Midweek: No Doubt - "Oi to the World"

This is one of my absolute FAAAAAAVORITE Christmas songs. I remember bouncing around our house in Wendover, dancing to this. My extreme No Doubt phase. Those were the days...

Click here for the original by the Vandals if you're into that sort of thing...

Recap Attack: Starting the Holidaze

Here are some pics from the past month or so. I need to be better at documenting things, mostly.

Post-Friendsgiving goofing around

Knees

My brother Jeremy and I playing frisbee
in the dark after Thanksgiving dinner

One of the worst things about short hair,
is everyone can tell how you sleep
just by looking at you

Real Salt Lake Tree at Festival of Trees...
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL

DABAS girls out on the town

The beginnings of a cake I made that was really good

Stained glass and icicles at the church where my Sacred Harp group sings

Gotta start taking more pics!

December Mix:"Come in"

This mix was the hardest to put together! Hope it was worth it.

1. I Wish It Was Christmas Today - Julian Casablancas
2. Pain Au Chocolat - JHAS
3. Kangaroo Court (Forever Kid Remix) - Capitol Cities
4. Don't Wait - Mapei
5. We Used To Wait (Arcade Fire Cover) - Clare Burson
6. Little Toy Gun - honeyhoney
7. Radio - The Royal Concept
8. Give It Up - E X R O Y A L E
9. Step - Vampire Weekend
10. Fare Thee Well (Dink's Song) - Oscar Isaac & Marcus Mumford
11. Picture Of You - Mr Hudson & The Library
12. In The Backseat - Jonas Alaska
13. Call Your Girlfriend - Robyn
14. Lacuna - Last Lynx
15. Goodbye England (Covered in Snow) - Laura Marling
16. Shelter From The Storm - Bob Dylan
17. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Judy Garland

NOTES:
1. Babe.
6. These guys opened for Jake Bugg back in September. I like them.
9. Don't hate. Vampire Weekend will always have a special place in my stone cold heart. And the lead singer Ezra is super funny on Twitter. OMG have you read his review of Drake's new album? Gold.
10. Need to see this movie ASAP. Need to own this soundtrack yesterday.
11. For Dad.
13. Still listening to it er'day
17. The saddest sad Christmas song to finish

Let it Snow: I'm freezing, but I'm going to be happy about it.

I made a little blog post for work about in-door reading activities for families. It's sickeningly cute. You'll love it. And you'll find a link to make a darling igloo LIKE THIS:

Click here to read it!

And yes. You can bet I'll be forcing my future children to make they're own staged versions of the Chronicles of Narnia like I suggest in the blog post. Can you imagine? It will just be the cutest thing. 

Music for your Midweek: Dismemberment Plan, "This Christmas"

It's everyone's favorite Chris Brown Holiday Hit. I love this version. Your stoner friend hitting on every girl at the Christmas party. AmIright?

Trust me, you'll love it.

Manifestos! A Quarter-Life Crisis! and James Murphy!

"I was really a failure. 

I mean really really really... really really really really a failure... 

I was 26... and that seemed like a little too old to be doing nothing... I was so afraid of failure and looking bad, that I 

just 

didn't 

do 

anything."

If you're like me, and trying to navigate through your quarter-life-crisis, then James Murphy has some words of wisdom for you. Everything he says is spot on; I've felt exactly the same. Watch this, it's cheaper than going to a therapist:

I had no idea that this is where he came from. And it gives me a bit of hope.

Some key points that I thin need to be re-iterated:

"I wasn't trying to be another thing that I thought I was supposed to be... and I was actually rewarded for it, which was remarkable... Now I'm really hardworking effective, reliable... 

Don't worry, 

just make it, 

and put it out. 

When you lack motivation and desire and can't get anything done? Usually it's because you're doing something that's not important to you. You have few options:

1) Keep procrastinating
2) Convince yourself it's something you ultimately want
3) Drop it, and start doing what you really want

I think each of these option are valid at some point in life. It's fine to procrastinate doing the dishes, that's not a harmful thing. It's good to convince yourself that you want to study for finals, because it will ultimately lead to your betterment. But that last one, step 3, that's the scary one. To start doing what you really want. And that's how James Murphy became "hardworking, effective and reliable". He didn't start taking Adderall. He started doing what he really wanted to.

Oh yeah. Those little songs he made? Here they are:

This one is so great and funny and painful.

This one punches me in the gut.

And this one is groovy.

And now to the point. I've chatted with a few of you. We're all friends in different ways and we've accomplished a lot. We've done the right things. We graduated from school. We're working. We're responsible. Some of us are happy, and some of us aren't sure we're happy. And I think all of us feel a bit uncertain.

I've felt that way.
I'm doing good things and good work and it's fine. But frankly, it's not enough.

Last night I was chatting with a friend at our ward christmas party. We were doing "the check in" and asking each other what we were going to do next semester (Note how we have both have been done with school for 2 years, but we still think in semesters. That's part of living in Provo, I guess). She suggested posing this question to yourself:

If you get paid $100,000 a year 

to work 6 hours a day 

doing whatever you wanted, 

what would you want to do?

I'm still figuring out that answer, but I think it looks something like this. Something that combines writing and music. But not a music journalist. Something more nuanced? See, I'm still trying to figure it out. I don't need the title yet. I just need to work. Stop being lazy, which is code for: Stop being afraid.

I'm taking some scary steps. Applying for internships I'm not qualified for. Entering some small-scale writing competitions (even though I haven't really written anything since school). Trying learn more about music and learn how to play the guitar. Julia and I even a recorded a little thing and I'd love to post it for you guys AFTER asking her permission haha.

Consider this post a challenge, if you're up for it. If you could do whatever you wanted (and you can), what would you do? Still need some inspiration? Read one of my favorite Cracked articles. Note: There are some swears if you need to know.

A Family Reunion: Freaks and Geeks

 I've got a tumblr now. I don't even know how to link to it, I'm so new. I mostly follow people who post funny gifs from The Mindy Project and scans from old Delia's catalogs. I'm also inadvertently learning more than I ever wanted to know about One Direction. But every once and a while, I come across a gem, like these pics from a Vanity Fair Photo shoot: 

Look at Sammy Sam all grown up!

Um Jason Schwartzman?!? I totally forgot he was in that show for a second.
But where's Shia Labeouf? And Ben Foster?

I love these people.

If you haven't watched Freaks and Geeks yet, repent now.

It's all on Netflix. 

Just 18 episodes. 

Each one is golden.

Consider is my Christmas gift to you.

Sacred Gifts

For my dad's birthday this month, our family will visit the Sacred Gifts art exhibit at BYU. Here's a little video they put together of some of the art along with music from the BYU Women's Chorus (which I was a part of in my BYU days). It's really lovely.

A Poem for Saturday: Max Ehrmann's Desiderata

Thanks to Ingrid for sharing this with me.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

Music for your Midweek: Bastille

This is your new favorite Christmas song by Bastille. You're welcome:

A December to Remember

Here it is! DECEMBER

My mom and I were chatting over the holidays, and we both recognize that this Christmas is going to be pretty weepy. So I've tried to jam-pack my month with fun stuff, and make the most of the season. To kick things off, here is a Christmas song with my favorite people. Julian is too cool.

i wish it was christmas today by workprint

and here's the original if you don't get what all the fuss is about:

SNL - I Wish It Was Christmas Today from Don Lumiere on Vimeo.

OMG Jimmy Fallon messing up on the Casio. 

I'm dying. 

He's darling.

Music for your Midweek: Robyn and Real Ones

This song recently re-entered my music rotation, so now I listen to it at least 5 times a day. It's just too good:



I love her dance moves. I love her style.
Maybe I need to dye my hair white?

I first became obsessed with this song about a year ago when I found this cover by The Real Ones and Alaska Jonas (Norway shout-out wohoo!):



Isn't it the saddest sounding thing? I think it's great.

November Mix: If I threw you a line, I'd only entangle you.

It's a mix and it's for youuuuuu

1. Sprout and the Bean - Joanna Newsom
2. Tumbling Bay - Stornoway
3. White Teeth Teens - Lorde
4. You're The One For Me - Great Good Fine Ok
5. Weird Shapes - Surfer Blood
6. Mean Streets - Tennis
7. Can't Describe Her - Ang Low
8. Indiana (Bronze Whale Remix) - Tom Aspaul
9. Lost (Frank Ocean Cover) - TRAILS AND WAYS
10. We'll Be Fine - Lincoln Jesser
11. Pull Me Down (Ryan Hemsworth Remix) - Mikky Ekko
12. Another New World - Josh Ritter
13. Destroyer - Panama
14. Rake - Sufjan Stevens
15. So far (Tiger Baby Remix) - Marsheaux
16. Like Real People Do - Hozier

NOTES:

1. fall stuff
2. new stuff
3. great stuff
4. Thanks to Katilda for this one! I really like it.
5. My favorite Surfer Blood song. They played it at their show, and I was just like a little girl. Did I tell you, I got to go to a meet-and-greet before the show? It was so awkward. I mean, they were lovely people, but what do you say? "I like your music." That's it. the other guy at the meet-and-greet was a super fan and was just so thrilled to be there. It was darling darling.
9. I need more music like this in my life. "Bossanova dream pop" with lyrics translated into Portuguese? And I'm obsessed with Frank Ocean? Great Great Great.
12. Punch Brothers does a mean cover of this song. Listen to it here.
16. That "Take Me To Church" guy. Nice.

All my hearts desires in one bottle...

For the past few months, my mom and I have been the recipients of countless mini-miracles.We've had countless people help us with little/big things that have made our life easier (i.e. fixing our furnace so we don't freeze this winter, inviting our family over for dinner, etc). I've been the recipient of free tickets to things I wanted to see (James Taylor, In the Heights, and Surfer Blood). And my mom got in a car accident, which believe it or not, was actually a good thing. Our car was going to need a lot of work soon. But now, instead of spending a good couple thousand dollars to fix our old car, she received a check from the car insurance company for more than what our car was worth. See? A little blessing. There's a gospel analogy in there somewhere, right? "Get in a car accident, get something better-er". You'll be hearing it in General Conference soon, I'm sure.

This has happened to many times to count, where the universe just DELIVERS what we NEED. 

And it's happened AGAIN!

So I like looking at beauty here, here, and here. It's become sort of an addiction. 

Anyway. Everyone on those sites just love Lush, and I sort of do too now that they have a store in Salt Lake. It's expensive though, so I don't own anything from them. But I love reading reviews of their products and making wishlists for when I become a millionaire. People on those sites have been talking about this perfume that came out a year or so ago that sounds just heavenly...

It's called Rose Jam: 

"We've taken a real Turkish rose oil and rose absolute, added a hint of zingy lemon and a dash of geranium oil, which brings its own sweet, floral and slightly sharp note to the mix. The resulting fragrance is rich and fruity - a modern, youthful perfume that's nothing like the old-fashioned rose scents found on granny's dressing table."

I NEED IT.

Alas, it was very limited edition. They use the scent in a body conditioner and shower gel, and people had been begging for a perfume version for a while. So they released it online, and it sold out in just a couple days. And that was before I even knew it existed. :( One of my aunts makes her own rose jam, and it's the most heavenly thing you'll ever eat. It's like eating sweet perfume and it's the prettiest color and I love it. I would love to be able to wear something that smells like it. 

Just this week I started scouring message boards to see if there was any chance that they would release the perfume again...nothing. BUT THEN, on Tuesday morning, I visit Now Smell This, and they had this to report:

On Friday, Lush will launch a set of 5 limited edition perfumes based on fragrances from their popular bath, body & hair products, and including several that have been launched before in this form. This year's set: Rose Jam, Snow Fairy, Snowcake, Ponche, and one that will be announced on Friday — it's a surprise. 

Rose Jam ~ "the decadent scent of Turkish rose and uplifting citrus." 

Snow Fairy ~ "a sweet and cheery combination of cotton candy and vanilla." 

Snowcake ~ "the comforting scent of almond icing and marzipan." 

Ponche ~ "inspired by traditional Mexican punch, this smells of fresh berries and fruits plus warming spices." 

Lush Rose Jam, Snow Fairy, Snowcake, Ponche and ? will be available in 30 ml, in the bottle style shown above. They will be sold while supplies last; the sale starts at 5 pm EST/2 pm PST on Lush USA.

It's meant to be!
And I really want Snowcake!
And Ponche!

I WANT IT ALL!

Except for Snow Fairy, blech.

But I have no idea how many dollars each of them will cost, so I'm trying to temper myself. I've blind bought (when you buy without testing them out) a bunch of perfumes from Demeter (every so often they have them for 50% off, so it's not too unreasonable an impulse purchase), and been disappointed most of the time. Except for Cannabis Flower. That is a good scent to add to sweet perfumes so they don't smell so cloying. But I only bought it because Cannabis Rose is expensive, and hard to find. Do you see a trend? Rose and Marijuana, my favorite smells. That's about as edgy as a Mormon girl can get. So anyway, I'm crossing my fingers that Rose Jam doesn't sell out. And that it's not too expensive. They're selling it tomorrow and I'm SO EXCITED.

Is it silly that I get so worked up over scented water? It's the little things you guys.

Music for your Midweek: "Tonight You Belong to Me"

This video has been floating around for the past few months, and I just love love love it. I love seeing their relationship and how he doesn't tell his daughter that she's being silly about the fireworks. It's the best.

Eddie Vedder and Cat Power do a nice little version of this song too:

Darling.

Recap Attack: Rash decision, pretty things, not acting my age, and the death of an onion

Home sweet home

Home Sweet Home

We got Kara a new boyfriend and she was terrified

In case you want to know what to get me for Christmas...
They sell it at Harmon's

Artsy shots in the back yard

We found some treasures going through our old school projects.
Jeremy was a cool dude.

Scored free tickets to In The Heights. It was really great and made me
wish I was a theater kid again. You can listen to some of favorite tracks on
my Nerd Alert Spotify play list. It has all the best picks from
some of my favorite musicals. 

I also won tickets to see Surfer Blood play at Urban Lounge

(I win things a lot). It was a weirdo funny show

This bearded fellow set his chair right up on the stage to watch the show
and received the equivalent of a musical lap dance.

Remember when I was on my mission and I wanted to being back Latin music but all the girls were dressed immodestly, so I used a sharpie to give them more clothing? I just found those CDs again

Pumpkins at FHE. Mine is the day of the dead one.

I went to Panguitch for the weekend with some friends. I was camera happy.

We went to this great old movie theater there. It burned down in the 80's, and this is the sign that survived the fire. It has since been reconstructed, and it is neat-o. Seriously, you should visit it sometime.

We made it over to Bryce Canyon National Park. It was beautiful.

Then we took 50 million photos trying to catch a shot that was flattering for each of us.

It was a struggle...

Caitlin, open your eyes!

Too excited... and bunny ears.

This one's my favorite.

I dressed up as a burglar a couple times for Halloween,
but the makeup didn't hold up well during a dance party

So I opted to be Mother Nature on Halloween night instead...

...along with 3 of my roommates! Mothers Nature.

Eight of us squished into a two-door car. Shiny faces from
using eye shadow as lipstick, blush, and pretty much everywhere.

Trying to drive with cardboard Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp can get a bit tricky/crowded.

Will Turner hiding in the bushes outside the house...

We made macarons!

My hair before...

...and my hair after.

Death of an onion. So violent. Rated R

As you can see, I've spent the last few weeks pretending I'm 22. It's pretty nice.