Manifestos! A Quarter-Life Crisis! and James Murphy!

"I was really a failure. 

I mean really really really... really really really really a failure... 

I was 26... and that seemed like a little too old to be doing nothing... I was so afraid of failure and looking bad, that I 

just 

didn't 

do 

anything."

If you're like me, and trying to navigate through your quarter-life-crisis, then James Murphy has some words of wisdom for you. Everything he says is spot on; I've felt exactly the same. Watch this, it's cheaper than going to a therapist:

I had no idea that this is where he came from. And it gives me a bit of hope.

Some key points that I thin need to be re-iterated:

"I wasn't trying to be another thing that I thought I was supposed to be... and I was actually rewarded for it, which was remarkable... Now I'm really hardworking effective, reliable... 

Don't worry, 

just make it, 

and put it out. 

When you lack motivation and desire and can't get anything done? Usually it's because you're doing something that's not important to you. You have few options:

1) Keep procrastinating
2) Convince yourself it's something you ultimately want
3) Drop it, and start doing what you really want

I think each of these option are valid at some point in life. It's fine to procrastinate doing the dishes, that's not a harmful thing. It's good to convince yourself that you want to study for finals, because it will ultimately lead to your betterment. But that last one, step 3, that's the scary one. To start doing what you really want. And that's how James Murphy became "hardworking, effective and reliable". He didn't start taking Adderall. He started doing what he really wanted to.

Oh yeah. Those little songs he made? Here they are:

This one is so great and funny and painful.

This one punches me in the gut.

And this one is groovy.

And now to the point. I've chatted with a few of you. We're all friends in different ways and we've accomplished a lot. We've done the right things. We graduated from school. We're working. We're responsible. Some of us are happy, and some of us aren't sure we're happy. And I think all of us feel a bit uncertain.

I've felt that way.
I'm doing good things and good work and it's fine. But frankly, it's not enough.

Last night I was chatting with a friend at our ward christmas party. We were doing "the check in" and asking each other what we were going to do next semester (Note how we have both have been done with school for 2 years, but we still think in semesters. That's part of living in Provo, I guess). She suggested posing this question to yourself:

If you get paid $100,000 a year 

to work 6 hours a day 

doing whatever you wanted, 

what would you want to do?

I'm still figuring out that answer, but I think it looks something like this. Something that combines writing and music. But not a music journalist. Something more nuanced? See, I'm still trying to figure it out. I don't need the title yet. I just need to work. Stop being lazy, which is code for: Stop being afraid.

I'm taking some scary steps. Applying for internships I'm not qualified for. Entering some small-scale writing competitions (even though I haven't really written anything since school). Trying learn more about music and learn how to play the guitar. Julia and I even a recorded a little thing and I'd love to post it for you guys AFTER asking her permission haha.

Consider this post a challenge, if you're up for it. If you could do whatever you wanted (and you can), what would you do? Still need some inspiration? Read one of my favorite Cracked articles. Note: There are some swears if you need to know.