Never before had we been so thin and so clear and arranged always and in the same way going and listening over the rooftops to tin cans of flowers and strange music. For an hour or more I turned the same corner and felt like a criminal farther and farther out to sea among the racks of shoes and old clothes but now looking back I should never have unpacked. A street crowned with chestnut trees ends at the sewer. You go to a theatre and find yourself a house outside the city and walk the shore forever. I don't have much talent for poetry. When I see a wrecking ball dangling from a crane I mean it literally. I mean I don't mean the world's fallen apart or that the wrecking ball symbolizes the eye my world-weary sister couldn't know to turn away from. The hospital's exhausted. the little church is boarded up. We leaned against the limestone and liked the fact that tea sweetens gradually and the wildflowers beneath the shad of trees gone shivering have really livened up the cemetery and that the tall grass and the garbage and especially the piled-up newspapers and the rooftop pool fit right in among these windowless buildings having gathered as we are in the flesh again and leading another life altogether.
I was introduced to Connie Converse by Robin Banks, and what a great find! She is a real gem. Connie is of the same ilk of those special artists that have always hold a place in my heart. I can't wait to learn more about her. Sometimes I think disappearing at 50 doesn't sound like such a bad idea either. Here is my fave track by Connie, and the first one I heard:
I'm celebrating 2017 by having my first cold in years. It is a good omen. You know, purging all the mucus and muck of the last year out of my system by forcing myself to take a breather (despite the inversion plagued atmosphere). I struggled coming up with some solid new years resolutions and my friends were hesitant to just pick a resolution for me. But I finally settled on some pretty good ones to start out the year:
1. Eat what I want, whenever I want
A little over a year ago, I began eating this way, and I was the most healthy and happy with my body I had ever been. Eating this way turned food back into food, and not a punishment or a reward or a solace or anything other than food. Ice cream was just ice cream. Only eating when I wanted to also meant I made choices NOT to eat things just because they were placed before me, or because I was feeling bad, sad, happy...whatever. It was wonderful. I felt free. For the first time, I was happy with my body and in tune with my needs.
BUT, surprise stressors popped up in my life, and I slipped back into my own old ways of thinking (and eating). I'm anxious to get back into that way of living. Holla to Geneen Roth and her book "Women, Food and God" for teaching me how to do it.
For too long, I have begun and ended my day with social media check-ins. I'm not into making phones into the scape goat, and villainizing social media, but I do need to be more conscious about how I spend my time. This video about the unique challenges millennials face helped put my phone addiction into perspective. I'm guilty of leaving my phone on the table, scrolling through while I'm talking through friends, you name it. Having at least one space as a "no phone zone" will hopefully put me in a better headspace. Worst comes to worst, I can use Miranda July's technique to avoid distraction:
I think being mentally, emotionally and spiritually open has to start something. If the only thing you can muster in the face of awkward social situations is a smile, that's better than nothing. I've always hated that cheesy way of thinking, but it it works, I'll take it. This past Sunday, I put that my facial expressions to the test, and it made a HUGE difference. I have to admit, it also felt unnatural and weird (I'm an RBF kind of girl), but I'm certain it will get better with practice. Yoga was helpful in helping me realize that the way we hold our face can affect our whole mood. It's a real thing, you guys.
Here's to a happier, healthier, and more present year for all of us. Cheers.
