Thursday, December 31, 2015

"You don't really wanna go when something's closing..."

Brother Christian, Jeremy and I. Looking and feeling our best in 1993.

One last little nice thing before we close out 2015 Brought to you by Brainpickings and shared with me by Julia

Just some things we could probably all do to remember this coming year.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Music for your Midweek: "Square of Sky"

Here's a song that I wrote:

Inspired/terrified by this video. It's the only really output I got after a year of trying to live creatively. haha. If I do a song a year, it will only take me a decade to put out an album. Not bad!

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Saturday Verse: "Bargain" - Lizette Woodworth Reese

A rose will cost you more
Than its gathering;
A song be such a price
You dare not sing. 
What must you pay for each,
Else loveliness fare amiss?
Yourself nailed to a Tree—

- Lizette Woodworth Reese                                                                                      

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Music for your Midweek: Sufjan Stevens - "Sister Winter"

Soon-to-be former abode. 12-15-2015

Happy Christmas. Here's a nice thing:

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Saturday Verse: "Regarding a door" - David Antin


regarding a door
its open and shut
but it is less open and shut than a wall
a wall is something to lean on
and its unwise to lean on a door
regarding a door
you can take it in hand
turning the knob of a door you can open it and step through
then its no longer a door
now in the case of a wall its a wall wherever you are
which is evident and consoling
with a wall you always know where you are
while a door is only a door from the outside
there is also something substantial about walls
maybe its the materials from which theyre made
the bricks and the plaster
but more likely is the absence of hinges
the hinges in doors are like hidden conditions
upon which everything turns
theyre like the small print in contracts
a door depends on its hinges
but it also depends on a wall
there is nothing unusual about a wall without doors
a door without walls is ridiculous
also a door is always suggesting another side
so doors seem ambiguous and appear to be forever changing its mind
but regarding from whatever angle
it is always offering you the same proposition
there are many unanswered questins about doors
why is is that there arent circular or eliptical doors
what is it thats frightening about sliding doors
and what about the colors of doors
green doors in brick walls
white doors in black walls
and black doors in white walls
this will lead you to suspect that I am talking about symbols
rather than about doors and walls
whats all this talk about doors and walls anyway
why not talk about something real
like strainers

                                                                 - David Antin

Friday, December 18, 2015

A story of freindship

Things you do when you don't have friends:

From June 17, 2014


Hey "friends".

I'm really good at getting free stuff. 
Click here if you want do do the same, corporate slime.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Recap: California Dreamin'

Fitting for today, some old photos from a trip to visit Sarah.

Click here for your soundtrack.

Riding in the back of a minivan with my two moms

Our hostess with the mostest was an excellent tour guide

and took us to get the best food. I'm still dreaming about
Vishnu's Indian buffet...

Look at this cute Popchips advertisement that Google made for me.

Sarah's apartment is just like The Hills; hot tub and all! Sort of.
Where's my Justin Bobby?

Wetlands refuge

Paddle Hi-5

California tree, man.


I'm luck to have such a generous, patient, wacky friend like Sarah. If you want to meet her, you can stay at her place. For reals. She is a hustler.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Music for your Midweek: "O Holy Night"

 I think this one turned out sweet and nice.

Peace on earth, good will to men.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

December Mix: Weary World

Posting on a Tuesday just to throw you off. Or maybe I'm the only one who notices these things. HA. This is a good mix to listen to if you are contemplating possible homelessness come January 1st.

1. I Won't Stay Long - Sixpence None the Richer

2. Don't Worry Baby - The Beach Boys

3. Lost Kitten - Metric

4. I Remember - Bully

5. Afterlife - Arcade Fire

6. I Was A Stranger - Smog

7. Souls Like The Wheels - The Avett Brothers

8. God Bless the Child - Billie Holiday

9. Impregnable Question  - Dirty Projectors

10. Class Historian - Broncho

11. Snakeskin - Deerhunter

12. It'll All Work Out - Blake Mills

13. Marken Låg Stilla - Dungen

14. Try Again - Aaliyah

15. No Viniste (Natalia Lafourcade Cover) - Carla Morrison

16. Replica - Oneohtrix Point Never

17. Sun In Your Eyes - Grizzly Bear

Click here for the Spotify version of this playlist. Some tracks missing.

3. <3 p="">
5. Break your heart, watch this music video

9. Our beloved Tetons star in this video.
10. Got to see these guys at Urban Lounge last month. Big weirdo of a lead singer. Strange times.
12. Blake Mills has my heart these days. He does everything and knows everyone. Check out Heigh Ho for sure.
13. Thanks to Sondre Lerche's end of year list for leading me to this old track.
14. Inspired by one of the best Christmas gifts of all time.
17. There is a certain slant of light that makes me feel so down. Emily Dickinson knows. For me it is 3:30 on a sunny day in the middle of the winter. If that light were a song, it would sound like this. I like this song though. A "heavenly hurt" indeed.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

A New Creature

I listened to a favorite podcast in hopes of re-invigorating some long dormant initiative. I first heard this Radiolab episode a couple years ago and it stuck with me ever since. Want to know what happens in cocoon? It's not an easy question to answer:

I've spent the last little while feeling pretty gooey. Give me an exoskeleton already.

To change means not just growing an appendage. You have to disintegrate, and then become new. I imagine it's painful. Both completely natural and unnatural. Just a different form of death. It's beautiful to think that a future butterfly is hidden in every caterpillar. "What of my future self is in me right now?"

From here.

When I first heard this podcast, I did some research and found these scriptures that speak on the topic:

Ezekial 36:26-27
26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
27 And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgements, and do them.

and another

Ephesians 4:22-24
22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts:
23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.
and another

2 Corinthians 5:16-17
16 Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 

The butterfly serves as a symbol of resurrection and rising from the tomb.

1 Corinthians 15:42-44
So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.

Thom Yorke knows. He talks about it in one of my favorite hymns he wrote:

"One day, I am going to grow wings..."

I can only hope.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Saturday Verse: "Strange Hurt" - Langston Hughes


In times of stormy weather
She felt a queer pain
That said,
"You'll find rain better
Than shelter from the rain." 
Days filled with fiery sunshine
Strange hurt she knew
That made
Her seek the burning sunlight
Rather than the shade. 
In months of snowy winter
When cozy houses hold,
She'd break down doors
To wander naked
In the cold.  
                                 - Langston Hughes

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Recap: The Tetons

Must be *this tall* to hike.
JK anyone can hike, but no whining.

Now that the old Facebook photo albums are sort of passe I needed to find a new place to show off. Here are some photos from a trip to the Tetons with Ingrid, Suzy, and Julie from September.

We knew the trip was off to a good start when we found these hats at the Family Dollar

First of a million selfies

The team forges ahead

Paying reverence to the mountain gods

:) :) :) :)

This is real life

Girls on the move
One of my favorite shots

We saw bears!

And bison!

This is just a fraction of the photos I tool. I was overcome by the beauty of the Tetons. None of these photos do it justice.

We all gotta get outside.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Music for your Midweek: Ibeyi - "Oya"

"The album is about our lives. It's about losing people that we love, but enjoying life. We're still aliveand we have to enjoy every moment of life. And, remember people that are going with a smile."

Ibeyi are cool, and this music video is magic. It has me hypnotized:

Need to listen to them more. Remember this?

Image from this interview

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Something for Sunday: "Cast they bread..."

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever it around to be loved.                                                          - Kurt Vonnegut

Bonneville Shoreline Trail, 12-1-2015
     I am not an open person by nature. Trust does not come easily to me, and I prefer to keep concerns and feelings to myself. This is incompatible with the gospel. We are required to be vulnerable. The commandment to love others as we love God and ourselves is hard one of the most difficult for me to obey, not because I don't feel love for others, but because those emotions can be difficult to process since I know they can lead to heartache. If we are to be good Christians, we are supposed to lose our lives, turn the other cheeck, and bless those that curse us.

     If that's not vulnerability, I don't know what is.

     I used to joke with some of my old room mates that I would walk into every new house/ward/job with the same thought running through my head: "I am not going to make friends. I'm not even going to try". It was a defense mechanism to ward off potential disappointment or heartache. The fact that I did end up forming friendships with anyone is a real miracle, because I've surely never counted on it. I'm lucky to have so many friends and family that I care about, but even with them, I stay aloof or put up a front about how I really feel.

     I'm trying to break those bad habits now and put charity into practice. A baby step approach. When I find it hard to be kind or open, I've tried to remember moments when people had been charitable to me. Remembering kind moments can help us renew our vision and bring back some of the trust we have lost in the world. I try to remember that "even a small gift is love made visible," and it does help a bit. Once I've remembered that others have been charitable to me, then I can see it as an option I can choose for myself. There is no limit to what we can give of ourselves:

Ecclesiastes 11
1 Cast they bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days. 
2 Give portion to seven, and also to eight; for thou knowest not what evil shall be upon the earth. 
3 If the clouds be full of rain, they empty themselves upon the earth: and if the tree fall toward the south, or toward the north, in the place where the tree falleth, there it shall be.  
4 He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap. 
5 As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thous knowest not the works of God who maketh all. 
6 In the morning sow thy seed, and in the evening withold not thine hand: for thou knowest not whether shall prosper, either this or that, or whether they both shall be alike good.  
7 Truly the light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun:  
8 But if a man live many years and rejoice in them all; yet let him remember the days of darkness; for they shall be many. All that cometh is vanity. 
9 Rejoice, O young man, in they youth; and let they heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgement. 
10 Therefore remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh: for childhood and youth are vanity.

Bonneville Shoreline Trail 12-1-2015

     I'm hoping to extend more kindness to others, as well as myself. I'm trying to remember that part of that counsel is to be kind to yourself, and to regard yourself with merciful charity and with faith that you can also be transformed through the atonement.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Saturday Verse: "Horse" - May Swenson

Finally got the horse broke in. It took years.
Now, not strong enough to ride it. It was wild,
and ornery, yes. Which came, in part, from its not
knowing it was a horse, meant to be ridden.
Wouldn't look you in the eye. Shied from looking
itself in the eye. Wouldn't look in the mirror,
especially not in back, Didn't know it had a back
Funny, how it followed. Didn't have to be caught.
It offered its back, asked for the saddle. Or, so
I thought. A joke! Throw you? That
horse wouldn't let you touch lip or nose with your
feeding hand, let alone get a leg over. Yet it hung
around, acting as if. Acting as if. Would come up
behind you, nuzzle your neck. You'd turn, grab
for its mane. It slid away. But never kept
away for long. Unpredictable. Drove you crazy.
Made you ornery. Broke you. Wish I was strong now,
and that horse not so strong. It wouldn't take long.
To have it. Gentled. Ready to mount. Eager to have
me. Eating out of its hand.

- May Swenson                                                                        

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Music for your Midweek: Gretchen and Julia - "All The Time" (Bahamas cover)

I'll be honest. I posted this video because I thought I looked alright, even though the sound is a bit rough. It's just for fun! Have to keep reminding myself that. Give it a listen, but maybe not in headphones?

Check out the original here.