My phone is too smart.
I'm confident that enough information has been drawn from me to create my own personal assistant a la the
Black Mirror Christmas special. I regularly get alerts like, "This seems to be a place you go to a lot, do you want us to track travel time to this location?", popping up after I've arrived at my mom's or the school I work at. My phone also suggests music articles for me to read and sends me info about Real Salt Lake tickets without any prodding from me. It simply tracks how I scroll through my feeds, learning what keeps my attention.
Trippy stuff.
Instead of fighting against all this information "they" have been gathering, I've decided to embrace it. Anyone with any type of online account (Google, Facebook, Instagram) has already sold their privacy to the lowest bidder. Why struggle against the tide?
One of the creepiest things my phone has is its "#AutoAwesome" feature. It picks photos I've taken, and makes them AWESOME!!! by adding filters, effects, frames, and even splicing them together to make moving gifs. It's the cheesiest, funniest thing. I haven't really done anything with them,
until now...
You, dear reader, get to see highlights from my last in all their photo-shopped glory. Google will be so proud:
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| This snow is NOT REAL |
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| Kishi Bashi - May 23rd |
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| I thought I was going to be a real blogger for a second. Signed up with a company to get free products and stuff, ad then post reviews online. But then all my review photos ended up like this... My review? Mary Kay Makeup is OK! |
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| Watching the USA game at the RioT |
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| Google turns any unintentional photo into art |
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| Google turns Jeremy into a still from one of those TLC ghost hunting shows |
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| View from my room #citydweller |
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| Moving movies |
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| Another accidental art shot with Whitney looking pretty |
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This is actually beautiful in real life too.
A painting in my grandparents chapel. |
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| Lady Gaga concert. No filter needed. It was insane. |
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5:00 AM view while working one of my millions of temp jobs.
Google adds that grainy texture you love. |
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Katie throwin' it down at her bachelorette party.
Thank you Google. |
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| Google tricks you into thinking I use a film camera HAHAHA |
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| Google makes the moon look like another streetlight |
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| Google turns Beck into spooky city |
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My little cousin took a million photos with my phone.
Google turns it into art, again! |
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| Some photogenic cacti in Arizona |
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| Coming soon to a postcard near you! Thanks, Google. |
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| Cuties with matching buns |
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| Ferngully. Light effects by Google. |
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| Conference mate and cereal. Brought to life by Google. |
My brothers teasing each other to classical music.
THANK YOU GOOGLE!!!
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| Shifty Skull Eyes |
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| A spooky corn maze made spookier by Google |
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| Mormon Video pics |
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Shifty Eyes II.
I take an embarrassing amount of selfies; many of them"improved"
by AutoAwesome. Only a fraction I shared because I need to
maintain at least a shred of my dignity. |
Thanksgiving moments, brought to you by Google
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| Another postcard |
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| And another postcard |
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| Christmas eats |
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| Yet another postcard |
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| Google makes everything look like space photography |
So there you have it.
A peek into my over-developed, over-saturated, over-filtered life.
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